Here’s what I saw first:
Usually a cheerleader with no panties on would be pretty exciting, but this was/is completely different. I dated a cheerleader back in the day and I’m pretty sure I know the panty/bloomer etiquette. She told me they wear panties AND bloomers, so as not to have any flap slips. Of course, there are some slutty ones who want to show their shit, but she said that didn’t happen very much. Get caught commando and you get kicked off the team. Moral of the story? If you don’t wear your panties and bloomers to the big game, you’re going to shit the sky and get taint lacerations. Your life is fucked temporarily, if not permanently, and you’re a slut.
After I wrote that last part, I realized that I may not remember the cheerleader panty protocol correctly. I may have been drunk at the time. For the sake of accuracy, I just texted the ex-gf, ex-cheerleader to see if I remembered the panty protocol correctly. My memory was “cleaner” than the truth.
Me: So…this is going to sound like a dirty and inappropriate question but it’s blog research. I promise. When you were a cheerleader did you wear panties AND bloomers? I won’t mention my source.
XGFXCL: Stop being dirty. You’re engaged!
Me: I’m serious. This is research and you’re the only ex-cheerleader I know. AND I’m going to show my Fabulous Fiance these texts so no one gets the wrong idea.
XGFXCL: Ok ok. Just bloomers. You can site me.
Me: Saw a gross pic on twitter and had to write about it.
XGFXCL: Sure you did.
XGFXCL: Yeah yeah
Me: Do most cheerleaders do it that way?
XGFXCL: I don’t know about other girls or what they did.
Me: Shit. (This lack of info about other girls kinda ruined the Cheerleader Locker Room Panty Fight Fantasy I had as a boy.)
Me: Thanks! You’re the best!
XGFXCL: You say that to all your ex-girlfriends
Panties or no, the bloomers should be able to catch flying poop. Remember that, ladies!
Then I saw this pic. I was on my phone, so the pic was tiny. I’m going to make it small here so you get the idea.
I don’t remember the caption—I have to start writing these things down—but it was intriguing. #AlienAss or something like that. I had to click on it. I’m kind of into aliens and I WANT to believe. I wish I had more to say here so that the full-sized pic would be farther down. Kinda ruins the joke if you see them at the same time. I hate not being in control my jokes or stories or songs or whatever. That’s when the shit gets not funny or people get really pissed off at you and think you’re a rapist. It’s fucking awful, but that’s how it goes. You have to create knowing that you’re not going to be there to explain. Maybe I should cuddle these babies a little longer. Ok, that’s about as much space-taking bullshit I have. Here’s what I saw:
If you have any crazy pics, send em this way!
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