Hey G, I’ve recently started to question my masculinity. I joined a Fantasy Football league. I’ve also started chopping wood and talking about my sex-life more openly. I also bought a grill. I don’t really like doing these things but it seems to be the only way to be manly. Do you have any other manly ideas for me?
Kevin, 28 – Corinth, TX
Kevin, yeah, I have a manly idea for you: STOP DOING ALL THAT SHIT YOU DON’T LIKE! A “real man” doesn’t give a fuck if other people think he’s manly or not; he just does his thing. If you like Broadway musicals and fucked up French films, skip the football and watch that shit instead. If you like dancing, stop chopping wood and dance. If you like watching football, watch the fuck out of football. And stop talking about your sex-life, especially if you’re in a committed relationship. It’s uncouth and it makes you look insecure. There are exceptions, like you and your girl tried some crazy new shit. If you want to tell your buddies about that in a classy way, go for it, discretely. If you just slayed some stripper ass, tell your buddies. That shit is awesome, as long as you sound grateful and not like are the “King of the Pussy.”
In case you’re wondering, gay dudes can be super manly if they do the shit they want to do and don’t give a fuck. A lot of gay dudes are probably manlier than straight dudes, because it takes balls to be gay and it takes balls to be a man.
I will admit that defining oneself as a man in our time is tricky. There no rites of passage besides war and most dudes my age didn’t have a war. And though war may be an obvious way to define yourself as a man, it is not always so clear. Tim O’Brien, author of The Things They Carried, for example, seems to think he would have been more courageous had he NOT gone to Vietnam. He is a great example of the struggle in modern masculinity. He went against his values and went to war. One could argue that he lived up to society’s idea of masculinity by going to war, while at the same time degrading his masculinity by living up to those same expectations. It’s a lose/lose proposition.
Why the hell do you want to define yourself anyway? For whom? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. It’s a great question and one you need to stop asking if you’re really going to be a man.
Much love, brother,
HI HI HI!!! I LOVE your writing so much! OMG! I really hope this one makes it. The other day, I was at North Park Mall with my girlfriends—I HAD to have a new pair of Uggs and a new Northface jacket—and we were all drinking Pumpkin Spiced Lattes (Super Yummo!) and talking about what we are going to wear for all the Halloween parties this year! There was a debate about “slutty” costumes and we ALL want to know your opinion!!! LOL #CuriousMinds #PumpkinSpice #CandyTime #NewDietNovemberFirst
Ashley, 24 – Dallas (Up Town) TX
Holy Jesus, Ashley, are you really that excited about EVERYTHING?!?!?! #Really? Before we get to Slutty Holiday Wear, let’s talk about your choice in beverages. Pumpkin Spice Latte = lame/disgusting. #QuitIt. Unless you really like that shit, which I doubt. I have been in line behind some hot fucking bitches who instantly became strugglin whores when they ordered the Pumpkin Spice Shit. #IWouldRatherFuckThePumpkin
I personally LOVE the slutty costumes at Halloween. That shit makes me so fucking horny. It’s kinda like the titty bar but in the real world. On the other hand, most of the woman I know, including my Fabulous Fiance, hate that shit. Of course, the women I know don’t drink #PSLs, so I don’t know if they’re a good indicator of what you and your buddies should be wearing. But, chicks are sometimes really shitty to other chicks, so keep that in mind. And as much as I like looking, I sure as shit wouldn’t want FF to wear a slutty-ass outfit. Do you have a boyfriend or are you just looking for a cock with a popped collar? If you’re looking for the latter, you should go full-blown sluttastic! Otherwise, dress like Jane Austin. Fuck it, I don’t know. My dick really doesn’t want to tell you not to go slutty. AAAACCCCKKKKK!!! Fucking melt-down in my brain right now. Ok, if you’re hot, go slut. If you’re not, don’t.
Don’t be so basic, Ashley (Send pics!)