About 9 this morning, my buddy texted me a photo of a hot nekkid chick with awesome titties. She was standing in a mirror with some dude. There was text in the text, but I had to look at the titties first. Before I enlarged the pic, I thought the dude was my buddy. Usually, I would think this was in bad taste, but this chick was so hot I figured I could forgive him. When I opened the picture, I realized it was not my buddy, which was a relief and also made me a little sad for him. The text of the text said something about Apple getting hacked and pics of famous chicks were all over Twitter. I asked if he had any more of those pics and he sent me a Jennifer Lawrence pic. JESUS H. CHRIST. I didn’t know whether to shit or go blind. I immediately opened up the Twitter and started searching. A few minutes later, the emails, texts, and Facebook messages started rolling in, asking my opinion on the whole thing and whether people should look at those pics. Here’s my reply:
What the actual fuck is wrong with you!?!? Of course, you should look at hot nekkid movie star chicks!!! Any time someone says, “Hey, you wanna look at this picture of a hot nekkid chick?” you ALWAYS say, “Fuck yeah!” I don’t give a fuck if the hot chick in question is a celebrity or not. Everybody likes to see hot nekkid chicks and life is short. Celebrity nekkid chicks? Super Duper Fuck Yeah! This is a gift from the Gods.
Some of Tweets and shit said you shouldn’t look and it’s wrong and respect these poor hot famous chicks’ privacy blah blah blah. I say, “If the titties (and snatches) are out there already, might as well check em out.” Jennifer Lawrence is probably going to be really mad at me when she reads this—of course, she reads my blog. Before I wrote this, there was a good chance that I could have boned her at some point in the future, which I’ve probably now ruined. What Jennifer is forgetting is that I have a Fabulous Girlfriend and wouldn’t bang her in real life anyway.
But…that’s not to say I always felt this way. I wanted to do it with JL since I first saw her. Ok, maybe not the first time because that movie was sad as fuck and she was probably too young. But now that she’s “of age” and her movies aren’t all so fucking sad, I would eat that pussy up to her throat! Jesus! Ok, enough of that. Sorry, JL L
One has to ask oneself, “How would I feel if that were me or my girlfriend or whatever?” I can honestly say that I don’t give a fuck who sees my dong. Though not the largest one ever, it’s very aesthetically pleasing. Also, back in my Rock N Roll days, I showed that bad boy to anyone who would look. On stage. No shit. So, what if people were looking at pics of my Fabulous Girlfriend nekkid? (People all over the world have probably been masturbating to us forever, so it doesn’t really matter.) In this particular medium, I’m ok with it, but that’s not up to me. The main point is that no one should ever trust technology. NEVER. EVER.
If you take a pic on your phone, that shit ends up on DropBox, iCloud, your laptop, your iPad, your TV, and probably your mom’s Facebook page. Fuck that. And the problem is that you have to turn that shit off. Fuck technology. That’s why I kick it old school. I paint pictures of my wiener and send them to my Fabulous Girlfriend in the mail. Way safer.
And speaking of technology, people (misguided feminists mostly) are always saying that shit about airbrushing and fancy makeup and CGI titties and camera filters and all sorts of other shit like that. I’ve always called bullshit on this, but now the proof is officially in the ass pudding. Both of the girls I saw looked fucking awesome! They had shitty lighting, no makeup person, no fancy camera, and no airbrushing. Per-fucking-fection.
So next time someone asks you if you want to see pics of hot nekkid chicks, say, “Fuck yeah!” You officially have the GMan’s approval.
If you need me, I’ll probably be beating off to hot nekkid celebrities for the next week or so.